ADHD & Neurodivergence
Therapy that begins with understanding, rather than trying harder
Living with ADHD or neurodivergence can involve much more than difficulties with attention, organisation or getting things done.
For many people, there are years of experiences underneath a diagnosis or recognition of neurodivergence.
Being told you're too sensitive.
Too distracted.
Too much.
Not trying hard enough.
Disorganised.
Inconsistent.
Capable of more.
Over time, these messages can become internalised and shape the way we see ourselves.
Instead of understanding:
"My brain works differently."
we may begin believing:
"There is something wrong with me."
The emotional experience of ADHD
Many adults with ADHD experience significant self-criticism and shame.
You may know what you're supposed to do and still struggle to do it consistently. You might begin something with enormous enthusiasm and then lose momentum. Tasks that appear simple to other people can sometimes feel almost impossible to begin.
You may also recognise experiences such as:
- Emotional overwhelm or intense emotional responses
- Sensitivity to criticism or perceived rejection
- Rumination and difficulty letting things go
- Perfectionism
- Procrastination and avoidance
- Masking
- Burnout
- Chronic self-criticism
- Difficulty recognising your limits until you've exceeded them
- Feeling that you should simply be trying harder
When the strategies you've been told should work don't work for you, it can be easy to blame yourself.
Therapy can provide a space to understand these experiences differently.
A neuro-affirming approach
I don't approach neurodivergence as something that needs to be corrected.
A neuro-affirming approach recognises that we experience attention, sensory information, emotions and executive functioning differently.
Rather than asking:
"Why can't I just function like everyone else?"
we can become curious about:
"How does my nervous system work, and what does it actually need?"
Therapy can support you to better understand your own patterns and needs, while exploring ways of living that feel more sustainable and compatible with the way you experience the world.
This may include working with emotional regulation, boundaries, burnout, relationships, masking, self-advocacy, perfectionism and the expectations you have learned to place upon yourself.
ADHD, shame and the inner critic
One area I am particularly interested in is the relationship between neurodivergence, shame and self-criticism.
When you've spent years struggling with things that seem to come easily to other people, a harsh inner critic can develop.
A part of you may have learned that being hard on yourself is the only way to stay organised, succeed or avoid disappointing others.
It may believe:
"If I stop pushing you, everything will fall apart."
Through Internal Family Systems (IFS), rather than trying to silence this inner critic, we can become curious about why it developed and what it may be trying to protect you from.
Underneath self-criticism we may find fears of failure, rejection, disappointing others or not being good enough.
Understanding these patterns can help us begin to relate to ourselves with greater curiosity and compassion rather than continuing the cycle of criticism and shame.
ADHD, neurodivergence and relationships
Neurodivergence doesn't exist separately from our relationships and life experiences.
A delayed message, a change in someone's tone or perceived criticism can sometimes activate a powerful emotional response. You may find yourself ruminating about an interaction, fearing you've done something wrong, or becoming overwhelmed by uncertainty.
Rather than dismissing these experiences as being "too sensitive" or assuming that everything is caused by ADHD, therapy allows us to explore what is happening more fully.
Our responses can be shaped by many things — our neurobiology, nervous system, past relationships, attachment experiences and the ways we've learned to protect ourselves.
Understanding how these experiences interact can help us develop a more compassionate and nuanced understanding of ourselves.
How I work
My approach is neuro-affirming, trauma-informed and non-pathologising.
I work primarily with Internal Family Systems (IFS), alongside somatic and polyvagal-informed approaches, Compassion-Focused Therapy and EMDR where appropriate.
Our work may involve developing a greater understanding of your nervous system, working with emotional overwhelm, exploring shame and self-criticism, understanding relationship patterns and finding ways of responding to your needs that feel more sustainable.
The aim isn't to make you better at being someone else.
It is to help you better understand yourself and develop a way of living and relating to yourself that works with, rather than against, your neurodivergence.
Online & In-Person ADHD & Neurodivergence Therapy
I offer neuro-affirming therapy for ADHD and neurodivergence online across Australia via telehealth, with in-person appointments available on Mondays and Fridays from my clinic in Billinudgel, Northern Rivers NSW.
You don't need a particular diagnosis or have everything figured out before beginning.
We can start with what you're experiencing now.